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Marvin LeRoy Schott - Мемориальный вебсайт онлайн

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Choose Language - Last-memories.com

Choose Language - Last-memories.com
Marvin Schott
Родился вIowa
81 years
18464
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Terry Jean Sawyer
You were a hero to us all Papa.  From the first you were always there when we wanted or needed you, and I know deep in my heart you always will be there.  You've done so much for me in my life, I knew there was no way I would ever be able to pay you back.  The depth of my gratitude can not be measured in words, I am the lucky one, to be able to be called your granddaughter.  Throughout the years, you were the rock in my life when everything else was crumbling down around me.  I don't know where I'd be without you.  Devin asked me when would he be able to hug you again, and all I could say was some day baby, some day.  I tell him every day that Papa is watching over him from heaven, that you'll always be watching.  I remember when I first brought him home from the hospital, you grabbed up his car seat and set him on top of the table, and I was in awe; the look on your face and how you were so enraptured by this little guy, you looked at me and said this is bubba.  I laughed, but you were right, and it stuck.  He was always your little buddy, and you were always his papa.  For the longest time he wouldn't even let anyone else call you that, but eventually he shared.  I used to be scared about whether or not I was going to be a good parent, and I'd always turn to you, and you would guide me.  I'm still scared, terrified even, but then I just closed my eyes and I see you there in my mind, sitting at the kitchen table laughing, and I calm down a little.  I try not to cry when I think about you, and I'm getting better, but it's still hard.  I miss you so much, but I know I will see you again some day, save a seat for me, I'll bring the smokes and a beer, maybe you'll even let me win a hand of rummy for a change...no cheating this time LOL.  R.I.P.  Papa...Love always, Tilly.
Sweetheart

Life if full of surprises along with unopened doors. Only you can find out what is behind them. If you don’t take chances and/or risks, you’ll leave yourself wondering for the rest of your life. Almost like regrets. Right there, is what you have taught me about life. Honestly, I believe that is why I am the person I am to this day. Overall, I believe that I’m a good person I’m told that more times than not. I mean shit our family tells me all the time. I’m so much like you that it makes them sick. I guess you could say I succeeded in life.

I remember when I was little, all I wanted to be when I grew-up was you. Nothing else, like all the other little kids. It’s crazy, but kind of cool in the same aspect, ya know?

I’ve always looked up to you, as far as I can remember. I guess you could say you’re my hero. Honestly, when I was younger I didn’t think you could do no wrong. As I got older, I seen different. Not saying you were a bad person or anything like that. Just the fact that no one is perfect. Honestly, I don’t think I could have done a lot of things without you. I’m very grateful and appreciative person because of it.

I’ve grown up in the last three years. The sad thing is that I had to do it without you. It sucks, but I guess that’s life. I guess you could say that it has made me a stronger person. As we both know, that is something that I’ve lost throughout the years. I’m just really unsure of the how to get it all back.

I use to not care what other people thought. Now, I see myself holding back in a lot of things I do. I guess you could say I’m not the person I use to be. Yes, I understand that it’s a good thing. At the same time it’s not. I want to be the person I was that you look at with amazement.

I know I’ve disappointed you throughout the years. At the same time, I know that you still love me the same. No matter how mad or sad I make you feel, you never give up on me. You are one of the very few people left in my life, who are that way with me. How do you people like that?

I understand the fact that I need to start standing up for myself. It’s just one of them things that are easier said than done. Yes, I do realize that actions speak louder than words. You know that reason I know that….because a wise man taught me that.

Our relationship is so unique. I know that you know that. It’s so funny because we don’t have a normal grandfather/granddaughter relationship. We are more on a friend level. I just wish that I could have that with a lot of my friends that I got now. It almost seems impossible, which it’s not, just my perception I guess.

There has been so much going on in this last year. I’m really not sure how to take it all in. I mean I’ve learned a lot in theses last few months. Heather and Alan have taught me more than what I’ve expected. One thing that I’m not really all that thrilled about is not letting my guard down. I mean I understand that I need to keep it up. In the same aspect, I need to take a chance once in awhile. It’s almost like the more I try, the harder it is to let it go.

Another thing that’s kind of cool about you is raising me. In general, you wanting to raise me because my so-called mother didn’t want to. Right there says a lot about you. Also, it’s cool the way you raised me. You dressing me up like a tomboy. I know how much you missed doing that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I just really think it’s cool.

Not a day goes by, when I don’t think about, just wondering if everything is ok. Also, wondering if I should come home. Would it make things better or worse? I would be putting my life on hold. Yes, I know how you feel about that. Sometimes I feel like I should be able to help everyone. Even though, I know that I’m not God until the reality slaps me across the face. I understand that’s on of my flaws.

I just feel overwhelmed when I sit and think about everything in general. Maybe, I should just go with the flow and not think about it. I think about everything before I react so I don’t do anything stupid, ya know? Doesn’t always work.

I realize that you’ve been depressed lately. Don’t feel bad because I have as well. I believe mine is because I haven’t been able to come home in such a long time. It’s going on a year. You, I can understand why, not wanting to be sick anymore. Also, living as long as you have throughout all the bullshit. Other than that, I think it’s just because you can’t do a lot of things you use to be able to do. I can understand that.

I know I made two promises to you. I’m really not sure if I’ll be able to keep them. I hope you’re not disappointed in me. I understand that Vicky has done that for you. I just don’t know about the whole commitment thing. Yes, another of my flaws. I guess you could say it’s one of the many things that scare me in life.

I’m really scared of being like the rest of the women in our family. Dependent of men. I’m afraid of not being myself, just being what they want, men that is. Another one is the fact of being alone. I want what you and Grandma have.

I’ve been told many times that I’m a beautiful woman. Most times, I don’t believe them. I believe it’s because I have a shitty self-image. I know it’s up to me to do something about it.

There are so many things unsaid. It’s like a lose, lose situation. I wish I could tell you everything that’s been eating me insides. Honestly, I don’t believe there is enough time to do all that. I know I shouldn’t be thinking like that. I should be living like I was dying.

One thing is about you that I love about you is that you got such a big heart. Although, it can bite you in the ass. One of the downfalls of being like you and I. Of course, it’s just one of the many things that I adore about you. It’s almost like you’re unstoppable when it comes to certain things. It’s like you don’t give a shit.

I understand why you were so hard on me and not Vicky. I know that you felt that she was a lost cause. I know you don’t mean to be an ass or anything like that. It’s just that she reminds you so much of mom.

One thing that I’m glad of is that I’m not like her. I have in the past I’m sure in one way or another. I understand that she’s my mother and all. How do you respect someone like that? I mean I’ve talked to her about the whole situation. I can’t believe her because all she’s told me is lies. I mean shit it don’t even bother her that I’ve never said ‘I love you’ to her. I just don’t understand because the same person raised us. Are the times that different?

Yeah, I know it’s a lot I’ve said in this letter, but I just wanted to share thoughts with you. I’m so sorry it’s so long as well. I’m sure I’ll talk to ya soon.

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